The Confessions
by Pommekitty
Summary: The characters created by JKR tell all their secrets. All that you've always wanted to know (or not) about them will be disclosed. We start the fun with none other than Lord Voldemort. R&R please.
1. Lord Voldemort

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**Disclaimer: ** I don't own anything and I am not making any money with this. I'm just having fun playing with JKR's wonderful characters so there's no need to sue me at all.

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Author's note: Here is the first Confession just fresh out of my Words 97 software. I hope you like it and don't forget to fasten your seatbelt: Lord Voldemort has quite a chaotic and twisted mind. Don't forget to R&R, please!

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THE CONFESSIONS

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The confession of a wizard turned bad

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(Lord Voldemort)

February 1997

I have been told that I have done terrible things and that I am the wizard who has cast the most Avada Kedavras since the invention of that useful spell.

And yet I was also told that I was a most promising young man back in the days where I was still called Tom Riddle and had not 'turned bad'. I recall those days with fondness, it was then that I discovered the fascinating world of the Dark Arts. I can still remember the tendrils of power that coursed through my veins as I cast my very first Cruciatus…A truly unique and thrilling experience

Wormtail assures me that writing all my secrets on that scroll of parchment would boost my popularity and would help me find my redemption.

I do not give a damn about my redemption. I do not need redemption. Redemption is for people who have done something bad and who are afraid to meet a man dressed in skin-tight red leather when they die. I am Lord Voldemort, I do bad things and I have already met the Devil, we are close friends. He really is misunderstood, his two little horns look quite snug on his forehead and red is his colour. There is not any competition between us since I do prefer green myself. Lovely colour, green.

The matter of redemption being dealt with, I must address the one of popularity. While I do have devoted followers, I must confess that I would not mind hearing some cheers from time to time when I am taking a morning stroll in Diagon Alley. Insults and consequent screams of pain are quite entertaining but when it is the only thing one hears it gets repetitive.

I suppose I am partly to blame for that lack of enthusiasm of my fellow wizards. They want a public figure as a leader, they want feasts, parties, exclusive photos and crusty gossips. They are not very eager to rally the ranks of a wizard who spends his days in some dark corner or other since his rebirth three years ago, a wizard who only occasionally takes his Death Eaters out for some fun.

Oh, I know what they say behind my back. That I am afraid of Dumbledore and his ugly little bird… It is obvious these people did not have the honour of spending their Hogwarts years in Slytherin, otherwise they would have known at once that I was following a very cunning strategy. 

Lord Voldemort is not afraid of Albus Dumbledore. No, I am merely waiting for the old coot to die before I can tranquilly walk into the Great Hall and take his place. It shouldn't take long now, my faithful spies at Hogwarts informed me that he looks awfully tired these days, probably feels guilty for that Subway 'accident' he could not prevent last month. Potter was quite afflicted too…

Harry Potter…To think that I have some of his filthy Gryffindor blood in my regenerated body…a body that would not have been in need of regeneration in the first place had that brat never existed. 

I am going to enjoy killing him when the time comes. It will be slow and painful…

Not that I want to exterminate everyone, mind you. There has been some most ludicrous parallels drawn between that Muggle with the little moustache, the one who killed Jews although he was half-Jewish himself. Just because I had a filthy Muggle father and want to establish to superiority of Purebloods, is no reason to compare me with that scrawny little man. He had no class whatsoever. What was he thinking exposing that ugly black cross everywhere? Take the skull for example. Now, there you have a signature worthy of a Dark Lord. I always shed a little tear when I see it perfectly shaped in the sky, sent by one of my talented followers. The ghostly green stands out so nicely against the darkness of the night. Lovely colour, green.

The surprising truth is that I do not give a damn about Muggles. They can do whatever they want as long as they do not try to infiltrate my kingdom by sending their brats, who supposedly have some magical abilities, to Hogwarts. The shades of this temple of learning are not to be thus polluted. 

Though I must admit the Granger chit is not too bad for a Mudblood. She is a friend of Potter's too. How utterly devastating for him if she could be rallied to my cause… A clever Massive Memory charm performed by yours truly and she would find herself with the purest pedigree a witch could have. I know from experience that it would work. What? Did you think I was really Salazar Slytherin's Heir? I have a brilliant mind, I can talk to snakes and I happen to look very good in green: the part fit me like tailored robes, it was begging me to try it on. 

It was very easy to convince everyone, especially after I got myself my first pet snake, Basil. Very big and quite deadly. He had beautiful big yellow eyes and a skin of the most vivid green. Lovely colour, green.

I was devastated when I heard that Potter had vanquished my dashing young memory-self and killed my darling snake with his Gryffindor-y sword. 

The days were bleak back then, Basil had been a very faithful friend. I was inconsolable until Lucius told me he had heard that wizards with big pet snakes were supposed to be compensating for something else.

Always right my dear Lucius.

I am very happy with the smaller Nagini now. She is very faithful too. Her skin is not as green as Basil's but it is green all the same. Lovely colour green.

So what of my dreams and ambitions, you will ask me? 

Well, they are very modest for such a powerful wizard as I am.

I would be satisfied with complete control over the Wizarding world. The Muggle one does not interest me, it is a nice little playground but has no other potential. Of course I would be attributed the Head Master position at Hogwarts, someone responsible has to rethink the curriculum and to watch over the youngsters. I would make one of my trusted followers Minister for Magic. Lucius has charisma but he will try to stab me in the back at the first occasion, too bad, he would have been perfect. I will have to think about that later. 

I will also have to put together a research team to work on Appearance Improving Potions. The red eyes, snake nostrils and sickly white skin are good to impress and frighten the wizard of the streets but my love life has been seriously hampered.

Yes, all in all, everything that I want is pretty reasonable.

Wormtail is pestering me and wants me to say where I think I will be in five years.

Well, it's easy, the picture is already clear in my mind: Hogwarts, in the room where the great Salazar Slytherin used to plot to get rid of Goddric Gryffindor. I am sitting in a comfortable chair near the fire, Nagini is lovingly coiled at my feet and looks hungrily at Wormtail who is reading '_I, The Dark Lord' _to me. My eyes are wandering around the room, occasionally stopping on some particular objects: Dumbledore's stuffed old bird in a corner--no longer singing, thanks Merlin--, the box containing Basil's ashes well in evidence on the mantle-piece, Potter's glasses encased in unbreakable magical glass—the brat does not need them anymore where he is now and they make a very convenient paper weight. The whole room is decked in green tones of course, I look very good in a green environment since I have recovered my good looks of the good old time. Lovely colour, green.

**Lord Voldemort **


	2. Hermione Granger

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Disclaimer: Things haven't changed since last time and I still own nothing. I'm just having a bit of fun, no harm done to anyone.

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Author's notes: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first Confession. I hope you like Hemione's as well, she seems to have a fondness for leather…Who would have thought?

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The Confession of a Witch who has read 

Hogwarts, a History

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(Hermione Granger)

**February 1997**

I have been told that looks don't matter as long as one has a beautiful mind.

Fiddlesticks.

No one spared me a glance when I used to be improving my mind in the Library. Well, no one except Viktor Krum, but I will not go there, it's a very uninteresting story with a very uninteresting ending.

One day I showed up at a Gryffindor Quidditch practice wearing tight flimsy little shorts and an old shirt my mother had given me for my eighth birthday. I had Harry drooling all over me before I even had the time to flip my hair in the sexy way I'd learned from Lavender Brown. 

Of course I agree that looks aren't everything. But it helps a bit, especially with such a clueless wizard as Harry. Not that Ron is much better when it comes to girls: 'short' and 'tight' are two adjectives invariably applying to the clothes of the girls he goggles at. I still remember his face when he discovered I had Transfigurated his collection of Wizard's Heaven magazines into mismatched smelly socks. I also had the good idea of conjuring away page 63 of the latest issue before he chanced upon it. I don't think he would have appreciated seeing his little sister Ginny taming a Hungarian Horntail in a skin-tight leather suit.

But let's forget about boys for a moment. They're not that important after all, I'm sure that not even ten percent of the male population at Hogwarts has read _Hogwarts, a History_. Girls do much better in that respect. Not that I'm an enraged feminist or anything.

No. The only civic battles I engage in are those promoting better conditions of life for House Elves. Perhaps you've heard of S.P.E.W.? It stands for Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. If you're interested in joining us you can owl me at Hogwarts. You only need to send two Sickles and you'll get a badge of the colour of your choice (for badges changing colour to always match what you're wearing it's one Sickle extra).

Other than that I live a pretty normal life: preparing for the N.E.W.T.S., doing all my homework conscientiously, cursing Draco Malfoy (in my thoughts most of the time. The boy is so damn sexy that it would be a crime to inflict any irreversible damage), clueing Ron and Harry on Life, vanquishing Evil every year or so… The usual.

I wrote a book last year. It made the top ten of Witch Weekly's 'Books a witch simply has to read' list. I almost did as well as Gilderoy Lockart with his _Magical Me_. 

But it's not as if I became famous all of a sudden: I chose to publish anonymously. A rather smart move in my opinion. After all, I didn't want everyone to know that I was the author of a book called _Quivering Hearts and Leather Corsets._ I have a reputation to uphold, and imagine what my teachers would have said…well, nothing, come to think of it. They all have an embarrassing secret to hide, they wouldn't want to be on my bad side. For example, you wouldn't believe what book I found in Professor Snape's office the last time we sneaked in with Harry and Ron. I won't say anything here; I don't want to fail my Potions N.E.W.T., thank you very much.

About my anonymous writing career…well…it all went down the drain when Ron took his revenge after I Transfigurated his Wizard's Heaven magazines. He somehow got his hands on the new story I was writing (_The Witch and the Basilisk's Master)_ and copied the juicy bits before exposing his 'work' on the common rooms notice boards. He took care of writing a catchy heading: '_Exclusive extracts of a new story by the author of 'Quivering Hearts and Leather Corsets', our very own Hermione Granger, Gryffindor prefect.'_

Even today, one year later, I still don't know how he discovered my secret. My insistent questionings and bold taunts never got me anywhere with him. Not that my reputation suffered much after all. On the contrary, people started looking at me differently and I became quite popular. I don't think there's any shame in getting a bit of attention. 

I even caught Professor Snape watching me with a speculative look as I was crushing snake fangs in his class shortly after Ron's prank. Interesting man, Professor Snape. He would be a good base for a character in one of my stories. I'm still unsure about which identities of his I should use for my hero: the dark but sexy professor or the mysterious and efficient spy? Perhaps both. It would be all the more thrilling. I'm thinking dungeons…black robes…mask…manacles…and leather of course. You can't have a good bosom-heaving romance without leather making an appearance.

I think I got a bit carried away for a moment there, I hope you don't mind. I don't even know who will be reading this. I just got that roll of parchment by owl with a note asking me to write my confession and informing me that another owl would come and pick it up in a little while. It was too tempting to resist. No one really knows me. I don't doubt I will regret it later. I've never done anything so silly and unconsidered in my entire life.

It occurs to me that you might want to know what are my hopes and dreams. Well, first I hope I'll pass all my N.E.W.T.s with flying colours at the end of the year and that I'll find a nice place to live with my darling cat, Crookshanks, somewhere in the Wizarding world. That's for the short term.

In the longer run I want to continue my career as a writer. Creating my own newspaper would be my first step once I have enough money to do so. I'll dedicate a special section to Elfish Affairs so that my fellow witches and wizards will come to see the light. I truly believe S.P.E.W is promised to a brilliant future and, with the help of the newspaper, we'll be able to reach most of the Wizarding communities in world. 

Also, finding my very own wizard and founding a family has always been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I might have to cut on the bossy exterior a bit in order to secure said wizard though. I feel confident I can do it.

I suppose that helping Harry to defeat You-Know-Who ought to figure somewhere in my schedule. I can't let him down on that one; he's counting on me. But I've heard that the Dark Lord is a great admirer of my stories. I'd be loath to kill any amateur of good literature, and besides, I'm sure he's read _Hogwarts, a History_ several times (probably because he was looking for a way to break in and storm the castle, but the important point is that he's read it). On the other hand he's killed Harry's parents and a lot of other people, and that's bad. It's a shame Tom Riddle turned bad really. He is a very clever wizard and, judging from the picture of him I found in _Hogwarts' Head Boys of the twentieth century_, he must have looked very good in green.

Do you want to know where I picture myself to be five years from now? That's easy. I'll be in my small flat-or small house, I'm not a difficult girl-, lounging in a comfortable chair in front of a fire merrily cracking in the grate. Crookshanks is sleeping in my laps while I'm reading the last issue of '_Wizarding World Weekly'. _I'm very glad that the House Elves have just been granted their very own offices at the Ministry of Magic. My newspaper obtained an exclusive interview with Dobby, the first House Elf ever to work for the Ministry. The sun is setting and my engagement ring catches its last rays. I smile as I look at it fondly. I'm thinking that I'll have to buy something special for the wedding night. Leather is definitely an option. A very tempting option.

**Hermione Granger**


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